wow whoever hacked onto my lj is really fucking gay and u have no life, so fuck off and try making me look like someone im not u asshole!! LIKE I SAID IM HAPPIER THAN IVE BEEN IN A LONG TIME.. DEAL WITH IT
summer school still sucks but the good thing is i started talking eylse today which was umm really good. I think me and becky are slipping away from eachother i dont think she really cares anymore but who knows anything anymore
me and re have been joined at the hip latley lol matter of fact shes coming over tomarrow which will most likey end up to us hanging out like ALL WEEK lol.
i got my mommy a present out of random. i just felt like she deserved it.. lol wow im a dork haha.. okayy well im outtie xo
so i didnt have a panic attack today. Thank god!! I hate having them but thank god i am being put on paxel a anxiety medication along w/ my welbutrin or however u spell it for my depression. As david says "you sound like an old person with all those pills you have to take" its so true =(
I am passing my math course with flying colors. I am so proud of myself yes i know its summer school but still it shows u that if i really set my mind to it i can acheive what i want. And tomarrow i think Stina and me will be hanging out =) yay ive missed my stina baby!!
i miss my re re alreadii... its been too long being apart from her!! ahhhh!
Hello kiddies its been a while since ive last updated. and im sorry i just havent been in the mood to really tell anybody anything.
Ive started summer school. 3 more weeks of it =( seems so short but seems so fucking long at the same time. i dont like it at all. Especailly now that i keep having anxiety/panic attacks. Not able to breathe, hyperventalate, tingly numbness going thru my arms hands and legs, Light headed, dizzy. It fucking sucks!
Re has practically been living with me lol i love her she makes everything so much better. Always there to hold me hand and i love her for that =) thank u for everything Re Re! Also Adrian you too u were there to hold me hand and u really showed me u cared about me the other day and i just want to kiss u for that hehe.
Brenden leaves in like 6/7 days and it makes me really sad because hes the one i go to for advice and stuff and i love talking to him. Im going to really miss him!!
okayy well im off to summer school *cries* x_to the fucking_o <333 dani-boo
im sitting here today just thinking, thinking about everything. Its raining right now and i think thats what gives me the sad vibe of everything but who knows. I just wish i could find somebody to hold me when times get tough to just hold me to let me know he cares. It's funny how things work out sometimes. Does love really exist? I just dont know anymore, i guess my parents really proves that maybe love isnt enough. Love couldnt hold thier marrage together love cant keep people together. As much as i wanted them to get divorced in the end i guess maybe i didnt, maybe the thing i wanted was for him to stop drinking for him to not be such an asshole to me and just treat us right for once. I got my wish but now they arent together--he wants to date and i honestly think my mom has a thing for **** blech, i really just wasnt prepared for this aspect of everything. I guess i'm just not happy half the time, and i wish i could be. but i mean is anybody really happy anymore these days? it seems like this world we live in just keeps getting more fucced up everyday, but maybe thats just the way i see it. I just dont feel like i really have that many people i can run to anymore... where are you guys? I need somebody and nobody's there...help me please...
so i took my chorus and modern euro. final today... i think i did really good on them.. well atleast of my M.E final....
my house is extremley fuckng hot , i have a fan going the a.c going which i think muight be brokebc i dont feel a thing and im just sweating up a storm its disgusting. I NEEED COOL FUCKING AIR! should have gone out on theboat with mi madre. oh well
so get this.. im watching tv and the phone rings.. and i look ath the caller id and it says ferrante and im like nahhh must be a mistake. holy shit it was mah boyy chris! i havent herd from him in ages it was so good to talk to him again. i luhh that kid he is so halarious. I think were chillen like friday or sumthing that will be good =)
other than that my dad is taking me out to dinner 2night.. then tomarrow i have my ummm i think math and spanish test or idk w/e no wait its math and english blech math sucks! oh well okayy hunnies.. gotta go xo! <33 dani- boo
so hmm so Friday oscar slept over, we watched Stuck on you which is such a cute movie. We than stayed up and made cupcakes and while waiting for them to be done we played clue which he beat me in 2x that little crap lol. AND it was his first time playing.. geeez.
than sat. we went out with my mom jane corey on thier boat and just were out on the lake all day. We played spit and b.s.. went swimming where oscar and corey really pissed me off and i got mad at them but w/e no need to get into that. me and my mom corey and oscar played this game Carnium and me and my mommy won =) hell yeah bc we are just sooooo good!...and we got back at like 8. Went home and watched Love Actually which is the CUTEST movie!! <33
i miss mah sarah and Re Re!!!! i havent seen them in ForEVa!
first i didnt go to like half my class's i got to hang out with marque chris andy meg and just everyone =) also Marque bought me 3 balloons that she had everybody sign for my "going away next yr" thing. So a lot of people signed them .. lmao the 3 balloons put together looked like a giant penis! lol so Erik drew my name on the balloons really cool and just it was nice to know people might actually miss me from here... lol chris munson asked to sign it, it was a shock bc we havent talked in ages.
Monday i only have one final as well as thursday.. Thursday is the last day of school forever at New Fairfield highschool for me... I dont know if i should be happy or sad. Hmph whatever no looking back. Just looking fwd. PLus me and david made a deal we are going to help eachother get thru next year. we are going to motivate eachother to do good. Thnk god i need that =)
any waiiz oscar is sleeping over tonight.. it'll be nice to see him =) okayy well im going to go now.. xo leave sum fuccers <333 dani-boo
So my school has been the topic of like all topics and its starting to really annoy me, actually everything that goes on in my school basically annoys me. But whatever. Seriously whoever keeps making these bomb threats and put a bomb in Ms. Roy's driveway needs to simmer down because they are taking things way to seriously. Now in my opinion i fucking hate Ms.Roy but seriously im not gonna bomb her, i feel bad for her. She still comes to school everyday.. Meg is stupid sumtimes i loveher to peices but shes stupid... just sumthing she sed to me a few days ago made me just think how are people so stupid in this world sumtimes. She says Ms. Roy is only staying so she can get a raise but hello in there shes staying because she cnt back down. If she does, then what is she showing us? what that would be showing us is that we can get away with whatever we want even if it means indanering other peoples lives. and its rediculous so i give props for Ms.Roy for even having the courage that most people whuld never have.
But on another note. Brittany is back in school, she got kicked out of rehab, omg seriously how does sumbody get kiked out of rehab its rediculous. and im always getting reminded that im not freindsw/ them anymore and it just wierd bc like they have changed so much. I dont know New Fairfield is seriously Fucccced up...
but whatever im outtie... xo leave sum fuccers <33 dani-boo
Hey chickas!! lots of things are going on in my mind its just crazyy...
first of all its like a lot of things are changing for me and starting to really just sink in.
1)-my dad wants to date he doswent know i know but when i was at his house, i went on his computer and he left a website up that u fill in whut ur looking for etc...wtf! my parents arent even in the process of the court divorce part yet and my dad wants to date. while claiming he still loves my mom? i do not think so thats such bullshit. and i guess it would just be really not cool to see my dad dating again. who knows me and my brother sumtimes think my mom has a lil sumthing on the side too. Kids know when sumthing is being hidden from them... blechh my family is so sketchy..
2) School.. im really nervous because after this summer i'll be attendting a whole new school and its like i finally get to start over but whut if i ruin it? i mean my dad is paying a lot of money for me to go i really dont want to fuck it up. and what if i dont fit in there either? what do i do then? oh boy and plus right now im strugging just to get an f- to and F... how fucking lame-o is that?.. but im really going to try my hardest and even if summer school will be a drag i wont be repeating the 10th grade which wuld just make me want to kill myself if i had to go thru w/ it.
3) I miss my Sarah and Re!! I havent really talked to them in a while or seen them in forever. its just really not cool and i miss them like whoa!! and i am xtremley happy for them that they are happy... i guess theres just me left to deal with happiness. Why cant i seem to find that? Hmph whatever
okay im going to go now.. xo leave sum fuccers! x_to the fucking_o <33 dani-boo
i love you...ve never loved ne body the way i loved you. you were my other half what am i supposed to do sit here and wait what will seem like an eternity to see if u will ever love me back? i dont know what to do.. im sitting here in tears and i feel so fucking lost... why does everything bad happen to me all at once. i thought u said you would always love me, what happend to that? I thought that we were going to wait foreachother forever. Sitting here looking shitty with tears running down my face i just want to die i want to DIE! please dont do this to me...
so sat night my daddy picked me up and took me driving =) yayy i did good = ) whOot...went to boarders to buy me some new books =) and then we went out to dinner went home tried to watch Schinlers list but that didnt work bc the movie was beyond fucked up so were goingto watch it next time i sleep over, so we ended up watching "so i married and ax murder" w/ Mike Myers it was quite funny ... so then Sunday my daddy took me to Kent Ct and its such a cute little town, i took pictures =) and i bought this really cool poem book and omg the author signed it =) and the author is dead and she signed it like in 19** opps i forgot when lol...i think 1913 but anyways then i got dropped off at bEckys =)
so then me and becky got ready to go to the tunnel =) and my hair was pin striaght and by the time we got in i got pulled into the foam bc it was like a foam party and my hair was curly lol. it was so much fun me and kristen lost becky so we just went under the foam and like got lost lol it was so fun we were soaked w/ foam. Then i saw people i knew =) it was just a really fun night and let me just say Justin Kruel from my school was looking really good that night lol. i saw moe!! yayy i havent seen moe in forever and omg HES MOVING WTF! why is everybody moving now a days!?! this fucking sucks.. i <33333 you moe!!
so ive slept till 12 =) it was quite a nice sleep lol and i dont know what to do today so if u wanna hang out CALL ME DARLINGS!! xo <33 dani-boo
heyy guys, so hmmm last night adrian came over for like an hour and we just hung out so then after that i picked up oscar around 6ish got tickets to go see The day after tomarrow for 7:15 before they would be sold out =) then we tried to go get sumthing to ea t but we didnt bc there was too long of waits, so then we went back to the threater got popcorn and soda'ssat down and waited for the movie to start =) Jake Gylenhal <333 sigh soooo hott = ) but yeah the movie was really good =)
so then after that we went to apple bee's and got dinner lol i saw chris lynne and danielle walk in while we were sitting down lol...
so today my daddy is taking me driving =) YAYYYYYY i cant wait and yeah so ill be atmy dad's tonight..xo
my day was quite amuzing =) we had another bomb threat its like becoming a daily thing that were doing lol its insane!! so we were standing outside for 2 hours in the rain just getting soaked from the rain and it was freezing out!! and i was like hugging andy bc we wanted warmth lol so we were just locked together so then after 2 hours me and tony lynne chris danielle and andy decided tojust beat out and go to my house and hot tub it because mostlikley everybody would go home anyway. So when nobody was looking we just totally beat out and walked down the path to my road and walked to my house. So then after that we all went into my hot tub for like about an hour. so we wanted to see if they were still at the school or not so i bleeped my freind Corina and she said that they went back inside and i was like oh shit that sucks lol so then itold my mom so she called the school and was like i picked up Danielle because i didnt want her standing out there in the rain anymore, so yeah. We all just chilled at my house so then andy chris lynne and danielle left me but yayy tony stayed and me and tony basically just stayed in my room like half asleep watching MAD tv lol. so then tony left and now im just sitting here hoping adrian will come over =) yayy mah adrian!! okay and the oscar should be sleeping over tonight and my mommy will be taking us to the movies =) yayyyy leave sum fuccas! <33 dani boo
so school today was pretty decent..shorten periods bc we had that mock crash thing today it was ummm quite amuzing to watch... but anyways, so school was pretty good and i went over Manda's house after school =) so we hung out till like 4:10ish
then later on me and michelle got into a fight because she was the one who left that comment in my last journal entry and so i kinda just told her of about how i felt and like how she always ditched me and crap lol brendan puts it as "some freinds are like cancer you just need to get rid of them " lmao u crack me up whut am i gonna do when u leave?!! lol
so then i went out to dinner with my mommy and my brother =) yayy we went to the olive garden it was quite funn =) yayy ceaser salads rock my world lol. so oh yeah i forgot to tell u guys i dont think things are gonna work out to well with me and david and i mean i did care but right now i guess i dont care as much as i thought i would have i mean i guess its his loss right? but i mean we can still be freinds and if sumthing happens sumthing happens =) but i guess we will see..
so yeah adrian i just wanna thank u for really being there for me recently ur awsome *hug*!!
so i finally told my dad everything.. Well that i feel that is.. i dont really want to do into detail about it but it felt alot better to for the first time in my life have been able to tlak to him about how i feel about sumthing he has done or is doing. I told him ill only belive that he will stop drinking when i see it and due to the last episode i cnt belive in him.
im still really upset that peter is moving. wow life w/out peter is just not the same at all.. omgg peter i just want to say thank you for ALWAYS being there me doll!
David talked to me last night, but he had to go so i dont really know everything and im still really confused.. but whatever.. Tomarrow is thursday and that makes me sad bc i really want it to be friday. but Sat. i get to see charlie i havent seen him hmmm wow in forever!! so that shuld be funn okay well im going to go.. leave sum xo Dani
a close freind! i love u darling why do u have to move so far away from me?!! omgg im like in tears talking to you online and i just cnt belive its real. you have been such a big part of my lifee =) you know how to make sumone smile
Great memories: going to see Oklahoma with you michelle and mike and u carrying me around =), Going to the hs playground and just taking tons of pixx, those times at mine or mikes or adrians houses =) Empress... OMG IM GOING TO MISSS U!! dude u cnt move.. ur mah Peta and im ur wendy!! lol... ur the sweetest person in the world.. u have become a hugeee part of me.. u better not forget me!! <33333333333
i think that dreams are awsome to have, but if you really think about it, dreams rarley ever come true. I wish someday atleast one of my dreams would come true =)In my dreams i am me and everybody loves me for that, i am with the one person i truley care about (or whoever is my crush at that time heh) sometimes i dream im not lonley anymore, that im happy.
My dad wants me to sleep over tonight but i cant bring myself to do it, he keeps pressuring me and the more he does that the more i dont want to. I need to come around on my own time. Seeing his apartment the way i did it was just horrifying. Knowing how my dad gets when he is drunk just scares the shit out of me and im not just willing to let my guard down again just to get let down in the end. Everytime i forgive him he starts to drink. i always have bad timing. I know its a disease but in my thoughts its not, i know that when sumbody has alchohol in front of them they can say no, he really needs to learn how to just say no.
please... David talk to me!!! If u need to think about how u feel Maybe talking to me will help, but i understand. xo
heyy, so today was ummm okay i guess it went by at a decent rate lol. could be that i didnt go to bio and english, coudlnt bring myself to. so yeah i guess it was an okay day in school didnt have ne body pester me and annoy me which was really good...
But after school was a diffrent story. My mom picked me up from school and automatically we started to get into a fight and which led her to say that i was going to failout of school and then she denied that she ever said that later and iw as like ya know wut mom all our arguments always end up as me as a fucking failure and eventually i just started to cry because my therapist wanted me to tell my mom just exactly how i felt at school with all my "freinds" and how i feel like i cant even take one more day of going to this school and i just had tears i wasnt sobbiing or ne thing but seriously i always feel like i failure to her and im really just fucking fed up with it but whatever im like seriously done with caring bout it...seriously next year will be so much better for me
okay well im tierd so xo leave some fuccers <33 Dani-boo
so my cousins left today..but i guess im going to North Carolina w/ them like June 20th but i kinda dont wanna leave bc its like the start to summer and i think i might be going to summer school so ya know no fun lol...hmmm, Today at like 2 i went to the mall saw becky and at 2:30 hung out with david and his freind umm andrew? i was shy =( im sorry lol but once i hang out with him more i wont be, ill be more talkative =) so hmm david is really cute and idk theres sumthing about him that just i really like and i want him lol... So hmm i have to babysit tonight =( that makes me really sad!! but in the mall we went in the toy store and there was this ummm guy in a sumo qrestler outfit it was really funny and david was like can i have a hug? it was ummm realli funny, yeah but next time im not hanging out at the mall lol he should come to my hosue =) hehe okies well im going to go now xo <3 dani boo leave sum fuccers